I'm having a hard time trying to think positively at the moment. My mind feels cloudy. I'm feeling reflective on the past year, but I don't really feel fulfilled by it. In fact, it makes me feel a little sad.
I guess in a positive way it's making me see what I want from the upcoming year. I want the obvious. I want to keep doing what I love the most. Gigs and music are my way of escaping. Just like many others. This will continue, i'm not ready to give that up yet. But next year I want to go to more, I feel like i've missed out on way too many shows this year that I wanted to go to but haven't been able due to financial problems.
I want to explore another part of the world, just like I did this year. But only this time I want to go somewhere that is more my climate, not so populated, and more greenery than concrete. That's not me being ungrateful, I am so very grateful, but I have realised and learnt more about myself this year about areas that I find bring me peace. Busy cities aren't for me. I love the culture, I love site seeing, but I am longing to visit somewhere surrounded by mountains, lakes, and the worlds natural beauty. That's where I find my peace.
I want to become more financially stable. This is my biggest downfall. This holds me back which I am aware of. There are problems I need to tackle first, before I tackle this problem. It is one that by the end of next year, I hope to have more in my control. I have ideas in my head, I just need to put them into reality. I need to have more faith in myself in order to do this. It's something I lack, which then leads on to destroying my motivation to pursue it.
One thing that I really enjoy doing is this blog, and I would like to take it more seriously. By this I mean posting more regularly, because it's good for me. It's my own little space where I can be my own boss, and I can create content which I can share with whoever is kind enough to give me a few minutes of their day, in taking the time to read, or even skim read. I want to go back to my roots and create more videos. I feel like this without even putting real effort in will help develop both my writing, filming and editing skills.
This ties in with the creative side of me. I need to stop destroying ideas and tasks before they are even complete. I have started so many creative projects, and just left them before finishing them. I think this relates back to having confidence in myself.
Wouldn't life be better if we quit any inch of doubt in our minds, and just chase the things we love? Too many people don't, I for one am tired of being that person. 2018 is going to be more about me. And it starts from right now :)