Saturday, 30 September 2017

The Adventures of Rome August 2017

It's a little late, try two months to be exact, but I guess some things are better late than never. In fact I may struggle to piece the whole experience back together, due to A) it was two months ago, and B) it was a short stay, and cramming so many activities into such a short period of time, is more difficult than what I had anticipated.

I'm lucky enough to say this is my second time not celebrating my Birthday in the UK. This was my gift from my Boyfriend, it was something we had both wanted to do for a long time and along with a lot of saving, we finally managed to pull it off!

Day 1

We left for the airport at 4am on the Sunday, and eventually made it to our hotel around 1pm, we were exhausted but we wanted to make sure we got another whole day there. The lady on the desk instantly became by best friend ever, due to her telling me we share the same Birthday, though to be honest I never saw her again after that.. She seemed to disappear. 

We did manage to have a nap before we set out to explore our surroundings. It was needed, I was getting very grumpy at this point (me and a lack of sleep combination is a challenging prospect. We took a walk to get our first glimpse of the Colosseum from outside, it was absolutely breathtaking. My first thought was it looked an awful lot bigger in the real world than it did on the holiday brochures.. 

Walking around the area was surreal, we took routes down alleys so we got a glimpse of the places tourists don't really go to, because we wanted to get a taste of Italy for what it really is. I guess you could say we kinda cheated the first night though due to the fact we got a McDonald's and took it back to our room. Did I say I was tired? Mcdonald's is where I discovered something about Italian people; they don't queue! Everyone just pushes in front of one another, they don't really seem to understand 'the system'.

Day 2

We planned our trip before we came, being with someone who lives life by an itinerary is like having your own tour guide, which makes my life a bit more organised as I'm the opposite. I'm more of a 'let's see where the wind takes us' kinda girl, which never really works. We started off at the Colosseum despite being warned about the waiting times, we actually got in within about 10 minutes. Inside was even more breathtaking than the outside. This was followed by going to the Forum and all the Roman ruins. Don't get me wrong I loved it, but once we had decided we'd had enough, it took us an hour to find an exit, it got to the point we actually said to each other we accept the fact we were stuck in there for good. 

When we had escaped, we headed back to freshen up and get ready to go for dinner. This is where we found a lovely quiet restaurant down one of the alleys I mentioned. It had an outside area, where it was just the two of us, no one around, and it was probably the most romantic meal we've ever had. I'm not one who likes going for meals so this part of the holiday was particularly challenging, but I felt very comfortable here. This is where I tried my first Italian pizza. Where now I have become a pizza snob, because no pizza has ever compared to this one.

Day 3

It's my Birthday!!

So, today was the day Melanie gets to call the shots. We spent the day exploring places like The Spanish Steps, The Trevi Fountain, The Pantheon, Sephora, (of course!) etc,  and this was by far my favourite day of the trip. We found another place to grab some lunch, this is where I discovered fact number 2 about Italians, in some restaurants the staff like to literally stand over you whilst you're eating. This was probably the most uncomfortable meal I have ever had in my life.

We did some awesome things that were on our to do list. We went to a little ice cream place which we found as the most recommended place for ice cream on trip adviser. Not i'm not really mad on ice cream, but this was something else. I can honestly say that this puts Ben & Jerry's to shame. We sat in this cute little street next to the ice cream parlour, in the shade, where I got most of it down myself than I did in my mouth. That's my inner 5 year old emerging. 

It wouldn't be a Mel and Dan adventure though without some form of challenge..

(see my Paris post here). Dan took us for about a 5 mile walk, which took twice as long in the heat, I don't think we were quite prepared for the weather. Don't get me wrong it was beautiful, but for a vacation that is made up of mostly walking, I wouldn't recommend this if you're British and anti heat. 

This is the cool part, because for my Birthday meal we went to the Hard Rock Cafe, where it's become 'a thing' now for us to go to Hard Rock Cafes on my Birthday. (Last year we went to London, year before Paris). They had some Elton John memorabilia on the walls, so I was snapping away to show pictures to my Dad. He's always joked he has a thing for Elton. 

Day 4

It was our last full day in the beautiful city, and today we planned to go to the Vatican. I'm not sure what I was expecting to be honest. This wasn't really something that interested me as such. But it was a pretty stunning building. I have a thing for buildings.. Dan however would happily spend hours looking and reading every little detail. 

If you go to the Vatican I recommend not eating in their cafe, it was overpriced and for the money totally not worth it. I had the most expensive cheese and ham toastie I've ever had in my life and it was two pieces of stale bread with a slice of ham and a slice of cheese. This is where if I was at home I would have wrote an email and complained as I'm really good at that. 

The evening was dawning on us so had to fulfil part of our to do list before we called it a day, this was to get coffee! We found the coolest little coffee place ever, where next door was a man outside another restaurant signing to a band, like you see in the movies, it was surreal. So with the sound of his beautiful voice in the background and the cheapest but best coffee I've ever had, we sat outside and looked back on our adventure before we went to get dinner for one last time. 

We went back to the first place we went, the lovely little quiet restaurant with the lovely, friendly, Italian man. We sat inside this time as the outside bit was closed. Can I just say that I managed to have pizza four times whilst being out here, but that still wasn't enough! The decor inside was even more awesome than the outside. This was probably the time I felt like I was most in Italy, because it felt like the culture was all on the walls and surrounding us. 

The 3rd thing I learnt about Italians was they are not afraid to have ice cream parlours open at 11:30 at night, this was the coolest thing ever! Were doing it wrong over here. Forget bars and clubs!!

Day 5

All we were interested on the day we had to go home, was making sure we didn't miss the flight again. We had planned to get the airport way before we needed to be there, just because we didn't want to relive the last time.

We packed up our things and headed to sign out. This is where it's confusing, but to get to the room you have to go through  3/4 different doors, which are all locked, and the same if you want to get out, it's quite a nightmare but I guess you can be assured that you are safe. We headed to reception and went through the four doors to hand the key to the lady at reception who didn't understand we wanted to hand the key back, went out the front door which locked behind us, for Dan to discover he left our passports in the room. You can only imagine the nightmare it was to try and get back in to explain the the lady who didn't speak English that we needed the key back to get our stuff. 

We made it home eventually, without missing any flights! I would say that's a mission accomplished. People have kept asking me would I go back, the honest answer is, I wouldn't say no.. I mean I would probably go in winter months if I was to go again. But I've seen it all now, I would rather go explore somewhere new. Though one day I will return to somewhere in Italy just for pizza alone.

Thursday, 6 July 2017


I love woodlands, forests, in fact anywhere that is surrounded by the beauty of the earths nature, and away from the worlds business, is my idea of heaven. There is nothing more comforting and relaxing than walking through areas like this, and in a area surrounded by concrete it can be refreshing. I've always lived in the city, but I've always felt like it can be a bit suffocating, and I'm sure the day will come where I can spread my wings away from it all - just not yet. 

I've always felt an attachment to the beauty of nature. Though some would say their idea of a holiday includes sun, sand, beach, sea, my idea of heaven would be surrounded by mountains, lakes, trees, which to me is perfection in a landscape. Even the thought of it breaks me great calm and happiness. 

It's so easy to be consumed by the place we live in, and the things that surround us, and I myself don't want to be defined by it. I don't want to be stuck in a concrete jungle, It may be ideal for some people, but not for me. That's why it is so important to seek further than what is on the doorstep. 

I say my area is a concrete jungle, to some extent that is true, but there are parts around here that remind you that there is beauty to the world. 

Every day I do the same walk, a 40 minute minute work from one place to another, and I pass the same things which can get tiring. When the view you are walking consists of a cocktail of cars, pavements, roads and the things we are used to. I think It's easy to forget sometimes that this isn't the world, this is just a part of it. Just because you see a small grain of it every day, doesn't mean that that's it. There is more out there, and this may not be where you belong. You just have to fight to find it. And it's important to take a step outside of that, because like I said, it can be consuming. 

It may be simple but days like this, walking through a woodland, and space surrounded by sights and scents that bring me joy, makes me happy. And it's the simple things that make us the happiest. 


Wednesday, 14 June 2017

Homesick For a Place You've Not Ventured

I'm not a religious person by all means, but one thing that has always fascinated me is the idea of people having a past life and the prospect of reincarnation. This is something I would quite like to believe in.

I'm quite spiritual when it comes to things like this. I don't just believe that there is 'nothing else out there', I believe that it's ignorant to the idea that there completely isn't. I'm quite into my ghost hunting and forever watching documentaries and Ghost Adventures, I've had a few experiences myself. Some things's just can't be explained, even by science. 

Have you ever had a moment and felt like you've been there before? Or perhaps even felt like you've been somewhere before, you know for a fact you haven't, but when something feels so familiar it makes you question yourself? This is what I feel like when I think of Australia.

From a young age I've always has a fascination with Australia as a whole. From a young age I made a friend from Australia who after a while flew back, she was me penpal for a while. I then had a supply teacher who was temporarily in the UK, he got us to have penpals with his students back down under. I grew up trying to find out more about the place, and for some reason have always been drawn to Brisbane. 

When I was about 15 I met my best friend, he also had a fascination with the country, this was one of the first things we bonded over which looking back now, is pretty cool. We one summer planned to make a trip over there, but I had to quit my job at the time and started College was this dream never became a reality. 

In my teen years, I started to listen to more Australian bands. I don't even remember how this came about, but I decided that Australia has some of the best Metal and Hardcore bands, which I still listen to now. I started listening to Short Fast Loud, and that became like a ritual every Wednesday and was one of my favourite parts of the week.

I feel like where I am now, there's too much concrete. I feel like I'd be at more peace surrounded by greenery, forests, sea, the beauty of the natural world. I have always loved the carefree attitude of the Australians I've met and spoke to, their humour and the way the majority of them like to do good for the world and take care of the land that surrounds them. 

I recently saw In Hearts Wake doing an event where they went around beaches and collected rubbish with their fans. I so wished I could have been a part of that. This really inspired me. 

I don't really think it's all that crazy. It's a strange one, I know this is technically home, but it doesn't always feel like I belong here. As if my spirt belongs somewhere else, and whenever I think about Australia the only way I can describe it is as if I'm homesick for the place. Like I'm longing to go back there. Which is where it becomes strange because I've never actually set foot there. 

I believe though that just because you are in one place, doesn't actually mean you belong there. And if you think about it, that's a fantastic way to strive for more, to achieve dreams. I know I will make it there one day. I'm thirsty for it.


Tuesday, 6 June 2017

(Wo)mans Best Friend

My happiness is on a bit of a high at the moment, for one silly little reason; there's a dog around. Unfortunately, he's only here temporarily as were looking after him whilst his Mommy and Daddy are off on their holidays. 

Since my dog past away in October 2015, there has definitely felt like a big space missing. I think it's only something you truly understand if you have been in that situation yourself. I grew up with my dog, Ralph, we had him for 16 years, so when he was put to sleep, it was undoubtably the hardest thing I have ever had to go through, as I am sure many people will understand. But I think once you have had a connection with a dog like I did, you are a dog lover for life - you're always going to want that companion.

I am at the stage now where I'm ready to meet a new best friend, a friend to share with Dan (though he will be mainly mine, he can have a cat). It's just not the right time. For now I am borrowing other peoples dogs and going crazy for every single one I pass on the street. I can't help myself, they really are the greatest sidekick you could ever ask for.

Which is why I am so happy at the moment. Because the past week we've had this little guy to wake up to, he's ever so sweet. And nothing soothes stress and anxiety more than sitting and cuddling a furry friend. Nothing. I stand by that. 

I am available if anyone needs a dog sitter haha.

Monday, 29 May 2017

Big Upcoming Posts

I have a few posts planned which I will be doing soon. But I also have a few main posts coming up which I'm really looking forward to doing! I'm just trying to figure out the best form of documenting them! 

So far, I have three interesting events coming up which I think would be fun to write about and share with people.

Ocean Grove - On Sunday I'm seeing a band called Ocean Grove, these guys are doing their first UK headline show, which has now sold out! I am so excited for this. I'll probably just write my usual summary of the gig on here.

Holiday - August I'm heading to Rome! It's my first time, this is me calling out to anyone who has already visited Rome, or anyone who is from Rome. I'd love to know some quirky, unusual places to go, places off the map that aren't your usual tourist attractions! 

I'm thinking about doing some videography for this, alongside a blog post of my trip! Looking back, I wish I did this for Paris, but I reckon this is a great time to start. Put some of my previous Media Production skills back in action and to good use. If you want to see my Paris post - click here.

New Found Glory - October see's another very special time which I'm pretty sure I have mentioned before. 3 dates with my main boys in New Found Glory. This will either be 3 individual posts, or one mega post - I'm currently undecided. Though I will be too busy moshing my pants off (I don't care how old I am, rules don't apply when it comes to your favourite music), I am going to try my best to get a few shots, without being that person who gets on everyones nerves - including myself. 

If you are unaware for any reason which I am sure you are not, NFG are playing 3 London dates in a row, covering 6 of their albums. If anyone else is going, I'd love to hear! Or even if you're a NFG fan. NFG have some of the most awesome, dedicated and friendly fans. I kid you not, I've lost count how many times I've been to a NFG show and someone random has given me a high five, just out of their pure excitement. 

Anyways, enough rambling. I just wanted to document upcoming events that I will be documenting in some form.

Melanie x

Saturday, 27 May 2017

Slam Dunk Festival // Favourite Moments

With Slam Dunk Festival Weekend around the corner, I thought i'd do a post to celebrate what is (usually) the best weekend of the year.

Unfortunately, for the first time in 6 years, I'm not attending this year, and now it's got closer, I'm actually a feeling bit gutted. The line up this year didn't really tick enough boxes for me. If it had been any other year I would have gone despite that, but we decided that the money we spent on SD, could go towards a holiday instead. 

It's all about preference when it comes to bands (of course!), but there are a few that I'm a little sad about. Enter Shikari playing Take To The Skies in full, Casey - who we went to see live once before but the show started earlier than thought, we we missed them, Like Pacific - never seen, and my favourites - Ocean Grove (though I will be seeing them on their first UK headline show - stay tuned for a post on that!). You know what, the younger child in me is also wishing I got to saw Madina Lake, what previous emo kid WOULDN'T want to take a dive back to ML days.

So with that introduction out the way, I thought I'd give a list of: 

My Favourite Slam Dunk Moments
(In no particular order)

8) The Word Alive - 2012 Wall of Death

Funnily enough, this was actually the year of 2012, but in the title I meant the song. It was my second TWA experience, so I'm quite familiar with their wall of deaths during 2012. At the time they were one of my favourite bands, and I just remember the moment of intense excitement during that moment. This still stands to this day as being one of my favourite breakdowns ever.

7) 2012 As A Whole

Whilst we are of the subject of SD2012, I think a favourite would have to that year as a whole. I do love Slam Dunk - the atmosphere, the people, everything about it, but I do miss it when it was a lot smaller. A lot of my favourite moments are going to be from this year, so I don't want to spoil this post by mentioning them all here. Read on. 

6) Jonathan Vigil Waving His Baguette

This for me is a more personal comical moment. In 2014 The Ghost Inside was on the line up. It was a year, back in the day when I would indulge in a little drink (if you know what I mean), waiting in line for the afterparty a little friend called Jonathan Vigil walks by, something inside me decided to shout "Hello Jonathan" as loudly as I could, who was chomping down on his dinner, the response I got was he waved his baguette back. I know this doesn't sound that funny, but at the time it was bloody hilarious.

5) Set Your Goals - 2016

One from last year. The return of SYG. As a Slam Dunk Favourite, and one who return year after year, we were all sad when SYG decided to take a break. But last year they announced their return, and this was their first UK show since their hiatus. So that in itself was pretty special. And I for one, had missed them.

4) Slam Dunk VIP Afterparty

2012 again. My friend at the time was good friends with a band who played that year, so one of the members in that band took us through to backstage where all the bands and crew hang out and party and it was just an awesome experience. Something i've never done before, or had the opportunity to. We never spoke to anyone but we just blended in, as if we were supposed to be there. 

3) Reel Big Fish 2011 - first ska band experience

Okay, I lied, not my first experience of seeing a ska band, but my first real hands on experience. I loved how the crowd and band interacted together, and it felt like one big happy family just grooving around and dancing together, it definitely is a different kind of experience from other genres, but I loved it. I knew next to nothing songs, and I was never really a RBF fan, but I had more fun during their set than I did from some of the bands I actually went to see 

2) Jonny Craig Moment 

In 2011 (or around then), Dance Gavin Dance saw the return of Jonny Craig, quite the character i'm sure you are all aware. There was that whole episode at the time we won't speak of. Despite him being a 'character', I went through me early teens listening to DGD, and had never saw them before. 

Still as a teen, him grabbing my hand during a song to hold him up was again, an awesome moment. But at the end of the day, I saw him hanging about outside, so I plucked up the confidence to go say hello and ask for a picture. I asked, and he looked at me and turned away. This was probably one of the most awkward and uncomfortable things I have ever experienced at a show. I just stood there for what seemed like a life time, with my friends and we were shocked at how rude he was. Eventually he turned around, said nothing took a picture, and turned around again. Again, I will stand by him being a "character".

1) Austin Carlile Moment

2012 how I loved you. Of Mice & Men played this year for the first time, I had never seen them before - it's always even more exciting when you're seeing a band who you've listened to for so long, for the first time. 

Again, towards the end of the day, we were by the merch and who only do we see walking by in the distance - Austin Carlile. Now, I'm not one to run after band members screaming, but this time was an exception due to comedy purposes. It was like something out of a movie. One of my friends who was a guy, and obsessed with OM&M, looked at me, looked at Austin, looked at me again, and at the same time without saying anything, we both ran after him "AUSTIN!" hahaha. 

We caught up with him, we got a picture, but he said he had to go get back to their bus, cause they were leaving (or something. Little did he know this was the year we got a tour at the VIP afterparty, and I saw him hanging back their. Basically, he lied.  

I hope all of you Slam Dunkers have a fantastic weekend! Let me know what bands you're most excited to see, or your favourite moments!

Melanie x

Wednesday, 10 May 2017

Trade Wind, Underoath & Our 3 Year Anniversary

I've had a few fun filled days, it's been bliss. A few days packed with music and exploring. 

On Sunday we took saw Trade Wind at the Boston Music Rooms in London. A band if you are not familiar with, consist of members from Stick To Your Guns, Stray From The Path and Structures. We had been eagerly awaiting to see Trade Wind, as they had to cancel their tour last year, and they were definitely worth the wait. 

Tuesday marked a special day for me, as it marked mine and my best friends / Daniels, three year anniversary. We spent the day adventuring in London, were we went to places we haven't been before, such as Librity - such a beautiful building (I have a thing for old buildings like that). We spent the evening doing what we love best - going to gigs! 
What better way to celebrate it by going to see Underoath perform both Define The Great Line and They're Only Chasing Safety in full. 

I've said it before, but right now is a brilliant time for old music and the bands we grew up listening to, because every one seems to be doing full album tours, which I am a big fan of as it is a lot of fun! There are not enough words to describe how good Underoath were. 

Wednesday we decided to do something a bit more random. This may sound like a strange one, but we took a trip to Berkhamsted. We always pass Berkhamsted on the train on the way to London, and we always say we want to go explore the castle. So, we did! Peaceful pretty places like this put me in my happy zone. 

In the middle of the castle is now a little cottage, I'm guessing someone now lives there, and that is now my aspiration to live in a cottage inside a castle. 

More times like these please.


Wednesday, 3 May 2017

Family Portrait & New Hair

Just a quick post. I had a random outburst last week of 'bored hair syndrome' and decided to dye my hair monochrome. I really like it! I get bored of my hair really easily, I think I've been pretty much every colour under the sun, but I think this one will be sticking around for a while! 

P.S. Meet Rookie the hamster, he's an awesome little guy!

Sunday, 23 April 2017

Define Happiness

  • Turning up your music and singing as loudly as you can
  • Watching Toy Story
  • Watch Ghost Adventures
  • A good caramel latte 
  • Smoothies
  • Quiet train journeys
  • Exploring a town, area or place you've never been
  • The feeling of a new item of clothing
  • Moshing with Daniel
  • Taking a hot bath with a bath bomb and candles
  • Visiting haunted places
  • Candles and fairy lights
  • Quirky coffee shops
  • Hanging out with a dog
  • The smell of clean laundry
  • Randomly being kissed by your partner
  • Using a new lipstick
  • Buying new make up
  • Seeing a mouse at the tube station
  • Freshly dyed hair
  • When your hamster gets excited when you put your hand in the cage
  • Holding hands
  • Anticipating the next Walking Dead comic
  • Being smiled at by an old person
  • Going to a gig, singing and going mental 
  • Taking photographs
  • Looking through old photographs
  • Going to a gig, standing and watching with a pint
  • Looking up at the moon and stars
  • Owning a new pair of vans
  • Lolas milkshakes
  • Discovering a new band
  • Reminicing with people about memories that make you laugh
  • Being creative and making something you are proud of
  • Woodlands
  • Making someone in that moment genuinely happy, smile, or laugh
  • Listening to music through headphones on car and train journeys

Off the top of my head, these are a few of the small moments of happiness amongst others, which I am grateful for 

Saturday, 22 April 2017

Party on Apocalypse

A tribute to my main boys in NFG. Another one of my ultimate favourites (not the band), plaid! 

As you can tell the quality of the imagery here has gone from what once was bad, to worse, due to the quality of my cracked telephone device. But you can tell what i'm wearing, so that's the main thing, I guess.

Dress // Motel
Raglan // Primark (Mens - shhh)
Creepers // Amazon

Friday, 21 April 2017

Twelve Foot Ninja // London Underworld // 17.04.17

I think it's clear by now how much of a love I seem to have for the Australian heavy and alternative music scene. For me, from about 2008 (when I first started on my Aussie music rampage) and onwards all these great bands have been starting up, blowing up, and coming out of the woodworks.

I've only been listening to Twelve Foot Ninja for a short while, it was a random discovery, but a welcomed one! The first song I heard was One Hand Killing, which seems to be the one their most popular due to the addictiveness of the guitar riffs, and most memorable from the opening sketch and nature of the music video (which is still funny the 1902009 time of watching it). Stepping away from the music itself, this is a running joke with the band, as at the Underworld they brought up this with the "have you been busy London?".

So to put things lightly, Twelve Foot Ninja actually killed it. It's been a while since I've seen a band so tight and literally tick every box. I came to this gig knowing a few songs, and it was one of those gigs where you don't need to be their biggest fan to enjoy the show and come out stoked. 

They made sure to pack a few jokes in their too, which isn't essential for a gig I know, but for a band to interact with a crowd like that in a genuinely funny sense is rare and makes the whole experience more fun! For example the guitarist Steve, asking anyone if "we've seen his bloody socks". Apparently he purchased some new socks before the gig and he lost them. 

Then there was the chanting of the crowd "Twelve Foot Ninja!", to which they started playing randomly, making a song out of the chanting.

It was such a good night. Like I said, I arrived liking the band, and I came out liking them a whole lot more. One band to surely check out!

Sunday, 16 April 2017

April Wishlist

Bit of a late one this month. But you know what they say, better late than never! 

Currently I'm trying to gather things for the summer months, as look through my wardrobe it seems i'm more equipped for the colder months. That was probably a lie, I just needed an excuse.

Just a couple of pieces this time!

Missguided // Oversized Dress

So cute for a summers day, or perhaps a date! I love the neck and arm ruffle detailing of this, I'm a sucker for anything of the sort. 

Glamorous // Tea Dress

This comes in a few different prints, and they are all just as nice as each other. This one was particularly my favourite though, just by a tiniest margin. 

Topshop // Dark Denim Jacket

To be honest, I don't often shop at Topshop, but now and then i'll find something I adore. Topshop has always been the place for me to go to for all things denim, alongside with Asos. Very trustworthy! 

Topshop // Gingham Pinafore

When I say investments, this little piece is a great example of what I'm talking about. Basically something you can wear with a million different t-shirts. 

Wednesday, 12 April 2017


Here's to another slip dress. This light weight little beauty is going to do me some justice throughout the summer months. Happy to finally have joined team gingham as well which seems to be all the rage at the moment. 
Find below links to these badboys. 

Dress // Missguided
T-shirt // Primark
Boots // H&M (Similar)

Lipstick // Lime Crime Unicorn Lipstick in Pom Pom

Wednesday, 29 March 2017

ECG Test, A&E and Mental Health

So yesterday was eventful to say the least. Started off the day with an ECG and blood test. The blood test was to see if I was Anemic as I had fainted / blacked out a few weeks ago before, which wasn't the first time, but I also kept having dizzy spells. And the ECG because I said I sometimes get chest pains and discomfort, which I anyway put down to panic and anxiety. 

As I went about my day normally, until about 6pm to then get called back by my doctor to go to A&E as my ECG results came back abnormal. 

Not being told much about why and what further tests they needed to do, I went to A&E blind, and quite frankly scared as anything. *Note to self* In future, do not google things, as it doesn't actually help the situation.

So when I arrived at A&E, it suddenly clicked even more so 'wait, this isn't the drop in centre is it, this is actually the accident and EMERGENCY department, so now my anxiety is kicking in full speed. 

Long story short, I had to have another two ECG tests, I had to sit in the waiting area in between being seen with the stickers all over me, looking like some kind of experiment. Turns out my doctor never sent the hospital my first ECG reading, so the hospital didn't actually know what they found that was wrong in the first one. 

This whole time I still had no idea what was happening, and the doctors at first all seemed to be making out like I've just invited myself for a day out. Like when he asked about me fainting, and if I had been drinking, I said one pint (I rarely drink anymore, and when I do it's one drink, maybe two), for some reason he didn't believe this, and looked at me as if because the youth of today like to go out and get smashed, that this is what I had done, and was the reason I blacked out, which to be honest I didn't appreciate and it did tick me off a bit.

By this point, I was convinced I was going to be kept in over night. But after meeting with the doctor for the twelfth time to discuss my 3rd ECG, he says that theres nothing major to worry about - which was relieving news, but there is something odd about my results that isn't quite normal, but nothing to really worry about. I kinda get it, but it's hard to explain.

But so they can see what this little bit is all about, I've been told to do a 24 heart monitoring test to get a clearer look at my heart rate. Which means wearing a little machine thing for 24 hours and going about my day. 

What makes me sad, is that this whole time no one mentioned other pretty natural causes of this, such as anxiety and stress, which is something I've always suffered from. And I really hope that's what it is down to, but every one seems to push aside mental illness - because if you can't see it, it must not be real right? Surely, if they get to the bottom of it and realise that is the case, surely that rings alarm bells to actually take me more seriously, as a human being.

I got let out about 12, but I have never been so relieved to see the outside world, and never been so happy to come home. 

Has anyone else out there had a similar or same experience?

Sunday, 26 March 2017

I'm Still Learning Things About Myself

I'm feeling rather reflective today mixed with a tad touch of positive; something that perks up now and then, but usually takes a backseat. I think I focus too much on the things that consume me, you could call them bad parts, but in some respect they can actually reflect as positives themselves. 

What the hell am I on about, you are probably wondering. I'm not one to go on about my struggles, because every one has struggles themselves to some degree, and I am a pretty reserved person. Well actually, I am a very reserved person. But these past few days It's hit me, that maybe the worrying, anxious, sad part inside me, which I have struggled with my whole life, in some ways makes me a better person.

Of course, I would give anything to extinguish that part of me, but reality is, even when I find a way to keep these things at bay, it is always someway going to be a part of me, I will now and then have an off day, which is okay, It's just about finding a way to control it. 


Half finished vases
I've realised how much creativity can help me. It really lets your mind go, and it's the only real thing I've found where I can concentrate, and switch my thoughts off completely, almost like a trance. By making things, and letting my creativity flow, and having something to show at the end of it, is giving me a real buzz. I've tried lots of things, reading, exercise, playing games, watching TV, etc, but other than music, this is the one thing that i'm finding relaxes me. 

I spent this weekend painting a pair of vases for my Mom, for Mothers Day. It's kept me busy this weekend, it's been something i've enjoyed a lot, and something that's in the end given me satisfaction, to give something I created to someone else.


So, the positives, and in no way am I blowing my own trumpet. I've realised how much of a caring human being I actually am. I've realised that though I may worry a lot, about pretty much every mortal thing and more, I worry because I care (most of the time). With things regarding people closest to me, I worry because I care about them. 

I'm compassionate. This would probably get on peoples nerves from time to time, but I like to look after people, and animals. I think those who have struggled before, know how to deal with others who also struggle, because we know the pain that the other person may be feeling, and I think that is a beautiful thing. We should build each other up, not break each other down. 

I'm a great listener. I struggle with human interaction, I have accepted that only in recent years. But just because I may not talk very much at times, doesn't mean I don't listen to others. As I said, i'm not really one to talk about my feelings and thoughts to just anyone, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm definitely someone who would give the time of day to listen to anyone about the wonders of their world. 

Like I said in my title, i'm still learning things about myself, just like everyone else.